


Where do Babies Come From?

by stealyourshiny



Series: Fic Request Challenges [3]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Children, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-12
Updated: 2011-10-12
Packaged: 2017-10-24 13:02:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/263777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stealyourshiny/pseuds/stealyourshiny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mini-fic request #3 for budgiepie (on tumblr). Fenris/Anyone - "How is Babby Formed?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where do Babies Come From?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [budgiepie (on tumblr)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=budgiepie+%28on+tumblr%29).



“Just... stand over there. Out of the way. Or something,” Anders said, pursing his lips. He wasn’t sure why the elf was here today. He didn’t seem to be hurt or anything. Fenris complied with the orders, moving to a corner near the door, sitting on a crate.

He had said he wanted to ‘talk’ about something. Anders turned to the patient he had been looking at when the elf had come into the room and shook his head. Fenris’ idea of talking to him usually ended in things breaking; bottles, tables, mugs, faces... He handed the woman in front of him an elfroot potion and a poultice giving her directions on its use. Behind him, the door opened again and he turned to see a handful of children come through being led by a very tired looking Lirene. She smiled when she saw Anders though and set the child she’d been carrying down.

“Anders,” she said, taking his hand. “These are children of some of the miners I told you about.” Anders blinked and then his eyes widened.

“Oh... Was that today? Oh dear, I completely forgot...” Anders looked around at the ten children, all ranging between five and ten. He’d promised to do some check ups. Lirene frowned, looking around at the group of children, a little worried.

“Are you too busy today?”

“No! No, I’ll make room, I just... I wasn’t prepared for children today. Don’t worry, Lirene,” Anders reassured her. He looked around at the group that had already started to disperse across his clinic, making a point of getting into as much trouble as possible in as little time as possible. Anders put two fingers to his mouth and whistled shrilly, getting their attention.

“All right you lot. Line up!” The children reluctantly got into a line. “ _Atten-tion_!” The older children stood to attention, chins up and arms at their sides. The smaller ones mimicked the older, seeing Anders looking at them all very seriously. He strode up and down the line like a general, correcting the posture of some of the older children and giving the younger ones critical looks that made them giggle sheepishly at him.

“Zere are rules when you are in my office!” Anders began, speaking in a comically overdone Orlesian accent.

“Zere is no running! No jumping! No giggling!” He tickled the littlest in line who giggled immediately, squirming out of his grasp. He grinned a little then. “Zose of you zat are good, will be rewarded... Now! Who is ze oldest?”

The oldest child marched out like a good soldier and Anders led him to a different part of the room, setting him onto a cot to begin the examination. While Anders busied himself, the children looked around, fidgeting. They stayed in line for the most part, but lost interest in just standing very quickly. After a few minutes, the smaller children were getting antsy, so Lirene sat them on the ground and began to tell them stories to try and keep them occupied.

The smallest child, who had been tickled by Anders, didn’t seem to care for stories, and had fixated on the most interesting thing in the room. She toddled over to the elf with the shiny hair, hugging a tattered doll that looked like it used to be a bunny, and stared at him.

Fenris had been gazing up at the ceiling, annoyed that Anders had started checking the children before talking to him. He just needed to ask the mage a few questions about something he wanted to do for Hawke, and now he had to keep sitting and waiting while the mage fussed with the children. He noticed the child after a moment and stared back at her.

“Hi,” she said, giving him a toothy grin. Fenris frowned at the little girl and looked around, noting Lirene with the other children and Anders looking the older child over. The little girl toddled closer to him. Fenris leaned back a little from the child, uncomfortable with the proximity.

“I said hi,” she repeated, her little mouth pouting at him slightly. “Yous‘posed to say ‘hi’ back.”

“....Hello,” Fenris said, pursing his lips slightly. The child took that as some sort of permission and proceeded to climb into Fenris’ lap and settling herself comfortably on his thigh.

“Dis is bunny,” she said, holding up the filthy doll. Fenris was sitting rigidly, hands held away from his body. He seemed afraid to touch the child, and was obviously uncomfortable with her decision to sit on his lap. “I’m Elle.”

Elle looked at him expectantly. Fenris raised his eyebrows and looked around again, hoping another adult could save him.

“Yous’posed to tell me yur name now,” she told him patiently. Fenris stared. He wasn’t sure what else to do.

“Fenris,” he finally said, seeing that none of the other adults were going to rescue him. Anders, in fact, looked right at him, grinned, and then called over the next child. Bastard.

“Yur an elf,” she stated. “Mommy says elfs are wurfless dreggs of sosiety, but I fink she’s mad cos daddy ran away to live wif an elf.”

The poor Tevinter elf’s brow furrowed, utterly perplexed by this small human.

“What are all does white lines on yur face?” she asked, reaching up and touching his chin. Fenris startled at the touch, but the child didn’t seem to notice, running her tiny fingers along the lines down his neck.

“Um...” She reached over and grabbed his hand, thrusting Bunny into it.

“Hold Bunny, but dun hurt him, ‘kay?”

Elle then levered herself up so she was standing on the elf’s lap and put her hands on his cheeks looking him very seriously in the eyes. Fenris was a ball of confusion, he just stared at her, blinking in amazement.

“You haf purty eyes. Dere green like da trees in Hightown. I saw da trees up dere once when I gotted lost. Mommy cried when she found me.”

Next she poked at his ears, curious about the point on them. Fenris tried to stay very still and had to bite the inside of his cheek by the time she’d grown bored with them because it tickled. Then her little fingers became interested in his hair, pushing it away from his face and tilting her head this way and that as she tried to decide how it looked.

“You haf black eyebrows and white hair. Toby’s gramma has white hair, but you dun look dat old.” She sat back down again and took Bunny from his hand, cuddling it close.

“Do you haf any kids?” Elle looked up at Fenris.

“Um... No,” Fenris replied.

“Oh. Do you haf a wife?”

“No!” Fenris blushed somewhat at these questions. What sort of child asked things like that to perfect strangers?

“Oh. I was hoping maybe _you’d_ know where babies commed frum,” she said, frowning a little. Fenris’ eyes widened and the blush on his face started to darken.

“Jimmy’s mommy said dat he was going to get a little bruver soon, and I askeded my mommy where babies come from and she told me cabbage patches but dere aren’t any cabbage patches here, and I told mommy dat and she said sometimes the stork brings dem when dere aren’t any cabbage patches, and she said a stork was a big bird wif a big beak and wud carry da babies in a bag and leave dem on people’s porches, and I asked how a bird was gonna get to Jimmy’s house cos we live in Darktown and dere aren’t any birds dere and since it’s under da ground it’s hard for birds to get dere and den mommy told me to stop asking stupid questions and shooed me away.” She pursed her little lips and looked up at him critically.

“But if you dun have a wife and no kids den you probably dun know where babies come from eivver. Mebbe Anders knows. He knows a lot of fings.”

“Elle!”

Fenris was never so happy to see Anders in his entire life. The mage scooped the small child up, grinning at her. His brown eyes focusing on Fenris, and showing that he was infinitely more amused than his face was letting on. The elf shot to his feet the moment the child was moved and darted to the door.

“Fenris! I thought you wanted to talk?”

The elf didn’t even turn as he opened the door. “Later!” he growled as he practically sprinted back to Hightown.


End file.
